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 Post subject: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2015 12:31 pm 
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Listen up you lazy noisy bastards.Pick the cowin leaves up and put them in the green bin, sorted, easy. You dont have to arse around waking folk up with that bastard God awful noise just to spread the bastard leaves around a bit.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2015 1:09 pm 
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ive got some big green things that look like big hands for picking them up.

they cost a couple of quid and they don't wake anyone up.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 7:09 pm 
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The wind will sort them out and naturally blow them into some corner or other where you can pick them up easily, but the leaf vacuum cleaner sounds posh and I ain't got any neighbours to worry about.

Anyway, even if I did, they wouldn't hear it for the noises of the chainsaws and the brushcutters.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Sat Nov 14, 2015 12:35 pm 
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Moscow Wolf wrote:
The wind will sort them out and naturally blow them into some corner or other where you can pick them up easily.


Yer, usually stacked up blocking the main storm drain just before it rains heavy for a bastard week.


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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:32 am 
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I genuinely do not understand what the benefit of these devices are. Fair play to the bloke who invented the contraption, but there are men out there, who get one of these babys in their hands, and I bet they think they're holding a .44 Magnum.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:40 am 
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Embers wrote:
I genuinely do not understand what the benefit of these devices are. Fair play to the bloke who invented the contraption, but there are men out there, who get one of these babys in their hands, and I bet they think they're holding a .44 Magnum.


During my younger days in the Army before I got any rank worth having, we used to be made to sweep the bastards up every fookin morning before first parade. I have even heard (but never seen it myself) of Soldiers being made to paint the leaves and grass green before some Big Knob General came to visit.

If the Sergeant Major thought that you hadn't swept enough leaves up during a gale, he'd have you back in the evening (in our own time) to sweep them up again. :roll:

BTW. I have had the pleasure of firing a Dirty Harry .44 Magnum Revolver and it does make you feel quite invincible and also can fook up your wanking hand if you're not careful as it kicks back like a Mule.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:59 am 
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Moscow Wolf wrote:
Embers wrote:
I genuinely do not understand what the benefit of these devices are. Fair play to the bloke who invented the contraption, but there are men out there, who get one of these babys in their hands, and I bet they think they're holding a .44 Magnum.


During my younger days in the Army before I got any rank worth having, we used to be made to sweep the bastards up every fookin morning before first parade. I have even heard (but never seen it myself) of Soldiers being made to paint the leaves and grass green before some Big Knob General came to visit.

If the Sergeant Major thought that you hadn't swept enough leaves up during a gale, he'd have you back in the evening (in our own time) to sweep them up again. :roll:

BTW. I have had the pleasure of firing a Dirty Harry .44 Magnum Revolver and it does make you feel quite invincible and also can fook up your wanking hand if you're not careful as it kicks back like a Mule.


Thanks for the tip! I shot a Kalashnikov in Vilnius the once. There was something quite alluring about the smell of all that cordite.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 1:20 am 
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Well after walking through a load of leaves by my brothers new pad i wish there had been a noisy **** earlier blowing them away!! :x If there had been i wouldn't have got dog shite in my car and in my porch :cry:
Maybe a good reason why they blow :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 5:29 pm 
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Yow can usually tell it's dogshit before you get back into your car or house as there is a more pronounced slip in your step as yo am walking... and yow just know... :evil:


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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 7:47 pm 
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I'll bet our resident Dr Dolittle, Moscow, is an expert at treading in dog shit, the amount of pooches he's got, and if he side-steps that, it's the cat shit that gets him :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 9:12 pm 
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Embers wrote:
I'll bet our resident Dr Dolittle, Moscow, is an expert at treading in dog shit, the amount of pooches he's got, and if he side-steps that, it's the cat shit that gets him :lol:


I give my dogs boiled or smoked bones everyday after their second walk so usually, their poo turns white as you might remember from the old days back in the day before dogs were fed Kibble from bags that are supposed to contain everything a dog need.

Being allowed to roam free twice a day, most of them shit out in the fields where they run (under control) and those that shit on my lawn get it collected in a bucket and dumped. However, our Bulgarian thought he could use the shit of 7 dogs as fertilizer until I told him you cannot without special treatment.

I was using the brush cutter the other day and came across one of the piles of dog shit he had dumped - long story short, I set a fire upon it and it seemed to burn like YAK shit (haven't I wrote this before here somewhere within the past few days), Sorry, I had a tractor accident a few days ago, turned the fuckin thing vertical like a rocket and got trapped between a vertical tractor and the trailer, my wanking arm is purple and my brain addled from the experience so excuse my bad memory as the alcohol numbs not only the pain, but the brain. :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 9:58 pm 
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Moscow Wolf wrote:
Embers wrote:
I'll bet our resident Dr Dolittle, Moscow, is an expert at treading in dog shit, the amount of pooches he's got, and if he side-steps that, it's the cat shit that gets him :lol:


I give my dogs boiled or smoked bones everyday after their second walk so usually, their poo turns white as you might remember from the old days back in the day before dogs were fed Kibble from bags that are supposed to contain everything a dog need.

Being allowed to roam free twice a day, most of them shit out in the fields where they run (under control) and those that shit on my lawn get it collected in a bucket and dumped. However, our Bulgarian thought he could use the shit of 7 dogs as fertilizer until I told him you cannot without special treatment.

I was using the brush cutter the other day and came across one of the piles of dog shit he had dumped - long story short, I set a fire upon it and it seemed to burn like YAK shit (haven't I wrote this before here somewhere within the past few days), Sorry, I had a tractor accident a few days ago, turned the fuckin thing vertical like a rocket and got trapped between a vertical tractor and the trailer, my wanking arm is purple and my brain addled from the experience so excuse my bad memory as the alcohol numbs not only the pain, but the brain. :wink:


What the fook were you doing, you maniac, trying to pull a wheelie?! Still, I know what to buy you for Christmas, this year...

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 8:35 pm 
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I was being lazy trying to save myself having to lift the fookin trailer by hand full of rocks.

So, I thought I'd drive up a hill so the rocks would fall out of the back of the trailer.

I hadn't made any allowance that rear wheel drive, light front would end up with the tractor....

exactly like it is depicted on your T shirt only I was trapped between tractor and trailer and fookin..

length of pipe (the release handle for the tipping action)

that gauged its way into my back and my bicep.

It could've been worse, I could've been stabbed, crucifixion is a doddle. :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 9:00 pm 
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Yow ay action man ennymore! Is the tractor still there, or did Bulgarian man servant put things right?

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 9:49 pm 
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The Bulgarian was on a fishing holiday.

I limped back to my house after freeing myself by sliding out of the pain barrier and cutting away my Wellington boot
that was trapped on some lever with my trusty blade...told my Wife to pour me a whiskey and light me a cigarette whilst she...
dabbed spirit onto my wounds with her mouth aghast at the sight and saying she should call an ambulance. :roll:

I then told her to get her camera as this shouldn't be missed. Took my Russian Niva Jeep down there,
hooked it up to a tow rope and pulled the tractor down before it drained out of oil, diesel, hydraulics whatever.

Fook, if that had happened to one of our players they'd have been injured for 3 months on full pay.

I'm still Action Man, I'm just not as supple as I used to be. :lol:

Ps, I cor run for shit either nowadays.

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 Post subject: Re: Leaf Blowers
 Post Posted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 11:12 pm 
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Moscow Wolf wrote:
The Bulgarian was on a fishing holiday.

I limped back to my house after freeing myself by sliding out of the pain barrier and cutting away my Wellington boot
that was trapped on some lever with my trusty blade...told my Wife to pour me a whiskey and light me a cigarette whilst she...
dabbed spirit onto my wounds with her mouth aghast at the sight and saying she should call an ambulance. :roll:

I then told her to get her camera as this shouldn't be missed. Took my Russian Niva Jeep down there,
hooked it up to a tow rope and pulled the tractor down before it drained out of oil, diesel, hydraulics whatever.

Fook, if that had happened to one of our players they'd have been injured for 3 months on full pay.

I'm still Action Man, I'm just not as supple as I used to be. :lol:

Ps, I cor run for shit either nowadays.


My knees seem to be fooked now, and if that's the case, and I cannot run a distance again, I shall weep...no I will sob.

Any road, put the picture up, you silly old sod.

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